Life Happens, And That's Ok!!

Hello Friends!

Whew! Things have been a little crazy lately, so I took a few days to untangle myself from the world wide web! (haha remember when that's what they called it??!) My Father in law is doing chemo every 29 days and his last does really took a toll on him and had another one Friday. My husband somehow hurt his shoulder and we have been dealing with doctors ourselves! Also my dear daughter Natalie turned 11 yesterday!

Yesterday we had a great day, we took Natalie to get her ears pierced and she handled it like a pro! I was so proud of her. It always amazes me how fast these kids grow up! I tried to explain to her that life is going to change as she gets older and things may be confusing and hard to understand, but of course at that age, you don't want to hear it. I didn't at her age. So we did a little shopping, a little eating and a little partying! I think it was one of her better birthdays to date!

With everything going on I just have been so run down! I have always been anemic since I can remember and I have to watch how I eat in order to maintain a decent iron level. I am really bad at this and usually have iron supplements around but I didn't have those either. This past week I had no motivation to really do anything, even get out of bed! I could tell that something wasn't right with me so I went out and picked up a bottle of Nature's Way Alive! Women's Energy Multi Vitamin/Mineral supplements. These things are loaded with good stuff! Fruits! Veggies! Vitamins! Minerals! So far I really like them. They are a little on the huge side and taste similar to how play-doh smells, but all in all, I think these will do just fine!

I am feeling better and things are calming down. I know better than to get comfortable because there is always another challenge for me waiting just around the corner. I know that hard time won't last forever, for you, or for me. I hope that you know that the storm won't always be hanging over your head and that you have the strength to weather the storm! May your tomorrow be better than today!

Xo,

Michelle

In the coming weeks I am going to be starting to use Hydroxycut - Let me know down below if you are interested in how it works, what I change as far as diet and exercise etc!

10 Random Facts About Me

Hello Friends! 

I hope everyone is having a great day today! I decided to do a 10 Things You Didn't Know About Me Post. Just to give you a little information about me. So without further ado....

1. I am left handed (Kinda?!) - I write left handed but throw, hit and just about everything else with my right hand. I can eat using either hand and when I was little I would practice writing with both hands.

2. I had Meningitis! - Back in the 90's when I was about 12 I developed Meningitis. This was right before the big outbreak happened, back when we had no idea what is was. If it hadn't of been for my Aunt, who is a nurse, I would have died. I am lucky to of had survived with minimal side effects.

3. I have a crooked tongue! - My tongue is off a few degrees because of having the Meningitis! Haha! It is only noticeable if I stick my tongue out at someone! I will take this side effect over major brain damage that I could of had! Plus it is a great thing to show off at parties!! 

4. I can speed read and retain the info! - This is a blessing and a curse at the same time! I love that I read fast, I can read a book like it's nobody's business, but being able to retain the info makes it so that I don't really read a book more than once.

5. I used to sing but I stopped. - Growing up I loved singing! I was always in choir class and Show Choir. Music is my life, if feeds my soul and I can always find a song to relate to how I am feeling. I also entered competitions and won. When I was 13, my grandmother was dying of Cancer, and had asked me to sing to her and for some reason I didn't. Since then I stopped publicly singing. I guess I felt that since I couldn't do it for her, no one else gets to hear me because she was the one who wanted to hear me the most and I froze. 

6. I attended a VERY small school! - When I say small I mean really mean SMALL! Our class had roughly 35 people in our graduating class. Our High School house 7-12th grade and we didn't have a football team. It was funny because you either had to be in band or choir (most people chose band) and when the band would perform it would just be for the choir basically! LOL Sidenote: I hated the small school at the time because EVERYBODY know everything about you, but I did have some very awesome teachers, and with such small class sizes we got a lot of attention, Our math class about 7 people in it.

7. I try to paint. - Ok so I secret obsession with watching Bob Ross paint. I could watch him paint his happy little clouds all day! I have a little artistic talent so I began my own oil painting using the same wet on wet technique that good 'Ol Bob uses. Fist let me say, it is harder than it looks! My "happy accidents" weren't so happy but over time I improved. My first painting, I thought was bomb! If you know anything about oil painting, it takes a LONG time to dry. So here is my awesome painting, I got work and come home, only to find that while I was gone my darling 2 year old at the time, thought it was a good idea to do a dance on my painting and smear it into the carpet! I was mad at first but after I laughed because his little foot prints were on the canvas. So I saved it. ;)

8. I was a certified medical assistant! - I love helping people! In high school I went to a Vocational School where I became certified. I worked in a Pediatrician's office, a Veterinary Office and a regular family practice. My goal was to be an x-ray technician. That was my dream job. Little did I know that 5 kids would deter that.  

9. I don't drive! - I have had my temps before but I have never had my license. I really don't have a desire to drive. The main reason I don't drive is because I have wickedly bad eye sight. SO bad that if I am not wearing my contacts in I can't see right in front of my face. It scares me that I could be driving and have contact issue and be stuck somewhere. With my glasses, I just can see on the sides of me. I never really picture me driving anyway. Funny Fact: Since I have never really drove for a long period of time, when I dream about driving it is always from the passenger seat! 

10. I am a free spirit at heart! - I was an only child growing up and wasn't allowed to have friends so I spent a lot of time alone. I love being in nature and seeing new things, trying new foods. Sometimes it is hard for me being a stay at home mom of 5 because I crave my alone time. This is something I work on frequently, it has nothing to do with my family, it is just what my soul craves. I know they won't be in the house forever and I will get to have my time again and that helps when when my soul says "GO!" (please don't take that as my soul telling me to leave my family! LOL that's not it at all! Hahaha!)

Well, there you have it! Ten things you may not know! I hope you all have a great weekend! Let me know your hidden talents or little quirks that you have down below!!

Xo,

Michelle 

Having Self Confidence After Being Broke Down

     Warning: Sorry if I rambled and that it is so long! LOL It just flowed out! ;)

      I was never the prettiest girl, I was small in stature but big in confidence. I would walk into a room and own it. I wasn't afraid to talk to people. I wasn't afraid to be the center of attention. During my dating years I had many relationships. Some good and some bad, but mostly bad. I had a love that I thought would last forever, but that love took a turn for the worse. I wouldn't say that he didn't love me. if anything he loved me too much and things got bad. It got to where if we were going somewhere I couldn't look out the car window because he thought I was looking at someone else other than him. He loved me with a fire that was visible to others around us. I was told that when he and I were together we glowed. I could see how much he loved me when he looked at me. Being young, 17 then, I thought it was magic. I didn't realize that I was in an abusive relationship. I just thought, "Wow, this guy really must love me, and he just wants me all to himself!" We were so in love, and also so stupid. So very, very, stupid. He would compliment me all the time, told me how beautiful I was, everything that a young girl dreams of hearing. Then the words turned hurtful. He told me I was worthless, that no one would love me. He started doing this after he started sneaking around with other girls. He ended up in jail because he bought alcohol when he was underage from his cousin who worked at a convenience store. I was there when it happened. It was awful and I was terrified of how my father would handle my boyfriend ending up in jail. I have always gone for the "bad boy,"

stupid to think I could fix him. He ended up getting sentenced to 9 months in county jail because he had already been in trouble for selling drugs. A few days later I found out I was pregnant.
      While all of this was going on I was also dealing with negativity at home in the form of my mother. My mother. My mother had a very rough upbringing and dealt with a lot of terrible things that happened to her. She always let me know how disappointing I was to her. I took care of her ever since I could remember and at one point in my first pregnancy I had to call 911 on her because she was threatening to kill herself. I would purposely get detention so that I wouldn't have to go home. My mother had such a hold on me and never let me do anything that a child or young adult would do. She needed me at home....all...the...time! This was hard enough to deal with and then you throw in that I am pregnant and that the father is going to be in jail for the whole thing! I was happy that I was pregnant (again young and dumb) I thought "Finally I could get away from my mother because I would have a child to take care of and not her". I was a senior in high school while I was pregnant. I graduated with honors and walked across the stage almost 8 months pregnant. That is a huge accomplishment.  I almost didn't go to my graduation because my parents were so embarrassed by me. If it wasn't my guidance counselor, who told me that I should be proud of everything I have worked so hard for, I wouldn't have been there.
      The pregnancy wasn't an easy one and I had complications that made me have to stay on bed rest. I was in constant contact with my child's father while he was in jail (my dad wasn't happy with the phone bill from his collect calls, oops!), and would see him when his mom would go to visit. When I was put on bed rest, he got mad because I wasn't going to see him. He started accusing me of cheating on him. And every time we talked he would just end up mad. He got released at the beginning of July. He informed me that one of his terms of probation was that he wasn't supposed to be in contact with me because when he was locked up and angry he would get into trouble. So I guess I was the reason for his anger. When I delivered my beautiful baby girl he denied she was his. He walked into my house with one of his friends, looked at her and said to me "That ain't my kid." and walked out. I was stunned and hurt and pissed. In Ohio when you are not married to the father of the child the state automatically goes after the father for child support (which only made him madder) and a paternity test has to be done. When the results of the test came in the mail I called him to make sure he opened that letter that said she was 99.9% his. He laughed at me. We tried to work things out and be together but he had changed. The name calling, and insults became more frequent and my self esteem got lower and lower. I was also still getting this from home as well.
       Having someone constantly put you down is awful! Especially when you are getting it from your mother.Eventually you starting believing the BS. I became very depressed and started having panic attacks. For those who have never had a panic attack, they are horrible! They feel like your heart is going to explode out of your chest and you can't breathe. I became a shell of who I was.
      Fastforward to today. Now I am 33. I am not the person that I was. It took me a long time to overcome how I felt about myself. It was not easy. It took WORK! it is still something that I struggle with. I had to except that the man I loved, didn't love me. He couldn't love me because he couldn't love himself. Neither could my mother. I had to forgive them. When I did that I felt free. I had to do a lot of self talk. Not like sit in front of a mirror and say "Gosh Golly you are great!." I had to fight out the negative thoughts that would come into my head. I knew those thoughts were not the truth. Just some one else's pain inflicted upon me. I has to cut ties from the people who would needlessly hurt me. For my mental and physical health. Cutting my mom off was the one of the hardest things to do. Every girl wants their mom around and when I got married and she wasn't there it was crushing, but I had decided that she was not going to be a negative influence on my children. Change doesn't happen overnight. It is a constant battle within myself to chase out those hurtful words. To this day I can hear the mean and nasty things that have been said to me but I have worked my ass off to become the women I am today, and without this experience I don't think I would be the women I have become. It would have been easy to hate them forever but then I wouldn't have felt the freedom I felt when I forgave them. Hating them would have given them power of me and they do not hold that power!
        If you have been in an experience where you are put down on a daily basis, know that you are not alone and that you are not those words. You can be whoever you want to be but it is going to take time and hard work. You may fail and that is ok. Faltering means that you are trying and that is step number one. Tomorrow is a new day and a new start. Be the person that YOU want to be, don't change because of what others say or want you to be! You are unique and your light shines like no one else's and if those people who hurt you don't see that, then they are not worth your time! It is better to be alone with your awesome self than people who don't value you and all that you are! Be proud of who you are and hold your head up high!

Xo,

Michelle

New Year, New Beginnings, And A New Blog

Hello Friends!


           Every New Year brings new opportunities and this year I have decided to redo my blog. I have a passion for writing and with my other blog it just didn't feel natural. It felt forced and I felt like I was writing for other people and not myself. My blog isn't just for myself though, if I can help someone along the way who may be in a similar situation then that will make me happy. I haven't decided all of the content that will be on my blog. I am just going to let it flow. I have learned along the way of life that planning never works out for me! So with that said I look forward to what is to come and I hope that you do too! Feel free to leave comments on things that you would like to read about in the comment section below! I appreciate any feedback from my readers! Happy New Year and Happy Reading!

                                                                Xo,
                                                            Michelle